Living and interacting with an aggressive passive person can be frustrating and exhausting. Such people communicate their feelings in an indirect way and hide their anger and resentment through evasion and sarcasm. Passive and aggressive people are sensitive to criticism and rejection and respond to conflicts in interpersonal relationships by acting with cold, sullen and self-denying affection. They “take revenge” by giving silent treatment. They do not like or feel uncomfortable with confrontations and will mask their true feelings by being sarcastic and simplistic. You will have the feeling of being “walking on egg shells” all the time. If you have to live or work with such a person, it can be exhausting and stressful.
Traits of a passive aggressive person
Passive and aggressive people seem to agree and fulfill the wishes of others, but do not show enthusiasm while doing so.
They are rarely considered responsible for their actions. Most of the time, they find a way to blame others for the things that go wrong in their lives.
People with a passive aggressive nature find themselves changing between hostile rebellion and contrition. They continue making exaggerated and perpetual complaints.
Discarding a person to close the topic of conversation is one of the main signs of such behavior.
Such people tend to postpone the tasks assigned to them. They have a careless attitude towards deadlines. They follow their own schedule and routines, without worrying about others.
Passive and aggressive people often feel that they are oppressed by others. They consider themselves misunderstood and despised.
Aggressive passive partners try to control their relationship by agreeing to cooperate on certain issues, but will not comply with the agreement.
People with that behavior pattern are afraid of intimacy and can not open up to their partner. They hide their insults with a smile so that a person can not understand if it was an insult or a joke.
Such people are often sullen and argumentative. They will often excuse themselves for not completing any task with their forgetting.
Causes of passive aggressive behavior
According to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, aggressive passive behavior is not considered a personality disorder. However, it makes life very difficult for people who have to live with them. There may be several causes behind the development of aggressive passive traits in individuals.
The most likely is to grow up in a family or social atmosphere, where the needs and desires of an individual are not given much importance; where expressing personal desires is not accepted and is taken as selfish. Sometimes children resent the expectations and demands of their parents, but they are too shy to openly challenge their wishes. In such a situation, they express their anger and resentment by showing aggressive passive behavior. In such situations, children manage to protect their relationship with family members and friends who can not risk.
How to deal with a passive aggressive person
If you find aggressive passive traits in your partner, spouse, co-worker or children, there are some things you can do to address them.
– Try cutting that root behavior. If a passive aggressive person insults you with a smile or tries to pass an insult as a joke, just tell him it’s not right to do it. Let the person who has crossed the line know and will not accept that type of behavior. This is very important, especially if you live with a passive-aggressive spouse or partner. Hidden insults are a form of mental abuse and if you do not inform the other person that such behavior is unacceptable, it will never stop.
– While discussing a problem or conflict with such a person, be sure to explain the basic rules. This means that none of you will use offensive language, will not track the past or deviate from your current discussion.
– One of the biggest mistakes that most people make when dealing with these people is that they never face them. It is very important to confront your behavior and express how you feel.
– If that person intentionally forgets the task assigned to him, then do not do it yourself. Make sure the person knows that he can not avoid doing it by pretending to forget.
An aggressive passive person will always try to deny that he / she was being hostile and will say that you misunderstood him / her. This type of behavior often stems from deep-seated insecurities and fear, so you should have patience when dealing with such people.